He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
