The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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