Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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