Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
