Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
