I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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