My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize