Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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