if only i could text you this smell
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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