He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Me too!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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