U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
