if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
