fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
