This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
