i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
