I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
