Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
