I need help removing her.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
