It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
