I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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