I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
