I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
