My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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