i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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