too bad you live with your parents still
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
