He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
