I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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