from now on my penis is your penis
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
