My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Buhtt sex?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
