I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
