I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We left the knife in your bed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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