I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You dont lie about slip and slides
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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