Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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