I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
