i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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