True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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