I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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