Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
