ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
