i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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