My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
