Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
