I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize