So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
