Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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