you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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