you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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