It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
