If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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