All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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