I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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