dude i'm inner monologue high
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I still have a little drunk in my system
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
