just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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