Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
