apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
