I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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