He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So much rum. So many feels.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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