found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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