I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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