I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
