we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
