I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize