my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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