so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
