he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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