ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
