false alarm. still invincible.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
