my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
