Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
