ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
