spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
