you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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