laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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