I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
don't judge my taste in strippers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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