There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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