Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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