that's an acceptable place to lick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
