glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
