At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize