allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
