I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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