I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
