but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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