didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
