I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
