AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
