Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
