Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
that's an acceptable place to lick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
