she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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