I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
