i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I checked into jail on foursquare
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
