I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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