Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
