I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
