Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
