I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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