he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize