Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
