I hate your face
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
