the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
