get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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