i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize