Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
