we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
